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News Flash

Good News

Well at least for me this is such a good outlet for the soul!

I now I have been busy and ignoring this for a few days but now I need to TCB  I will be listing several /many topics here that I will be Blogging and Vlogging about.  But even more important will be that I am starting a second Vlogging channel date TBA, featuring short 30 sec. to 1 min. messages called Positive Thought for the Day.  Some will be my pearls of thought (I dare not call them wisdom) and some will be yours and others Pearls of Wisdom and Positivity!  These will be simulcast so to speak here and possibly on the first Vlog though I may keep them seperate.  We shall see!

So keep checking back and will do it as fast as possible.

Vlogging and Blogging topics

1.  Do I (you) wish I was staright

2.   5 Great things about you

3.   5 Great things about anything

4.   Mentoring a young or many young LGBTBFQ member

5.   How would life be if I weren’t out?

6.   How would life be if I weren’t gay/Lesbian

7.  Wendi Kali’s project

8.   Phone Sales people

9.   Cracker Barrel

10.  Chic-Fillet

11.  Weapons in the home the right to bear arms

12.  Mixed Marriages  (socio-economically, educationally, age, racially etc., same sex is a given to me)

13.  Why can’t we shop together?

14.  Are all Butches Anal about house work and cleaning?

15.  Raising gay parents

16.  Raising gay children

17.  Comfortable shoes

18.  Stereotypes

19.  U-hauling

20.  Internet Romance

 

OK well that’s the list for now       SO PICK ONE ALREADY!!!!!

 

REMEMBER

Whoever you are

Werever you are

I love you RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE!

I’m outa here

J

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Ode to Butch thanks for the inspiration Ivan!

ODE TO THE BUTCH

To all the Handsome, Hot, vulnerable, strutt’n swagg’n  Butches out there I would like to praise your Bravery and tell you I adore the very ground you walk on.

It is for you that I put every hair in place, and make sure my mascara is not smudged, and it is because I know you polished those big black boots just for me that I will make sure to tell you how good you look today.

It is for you that I check the hem of my skirt to make sure it is just short enough that when I bend down to pick  something up you are trying to see but cannot.

I know that you are so overtly visible that it hurts to be you sometimes.  I promise to try to be more overt with you in the future.  I will wink at you or lock into your stare so that you can make the “first” move.  I will “help” you when I see you at the WalMarts men’s dept. shopping for shirts by telling you that “that blue really brings out the color of your eyes” even though I know you are perfectly capable of finding a good shirt because you always look good every time I see you.

I love the way you cock your head and curl your lip to one side when I give you that extra second of a glance, or is it a stare?

You look at me and I know you know, I know you relish in the fact that I am wanting what you are, I know you appreciate that I am often invisible when I am not with you.   I hope my glance tells you that you are beautiful and handsome both; and that you are wanted but more importantly needed.

I cannot imagine how hard it is to be you, I am not you.  I cannot imagine how hard it must be to feel that your skin doesn’t fit.  To have people stare all the time must be like living in a fish bowl.  I don’t think I could do it with the panache and style that you do.  I do however enjoy being stared at when I am with you…yes I want to shout out that no one in the world is as lucky as I am to have you.

You see…You understand better than anyone else ever has, my girlfriends don’t even understand the way you do. You know how to touch the nape of my neck, to guide me into the car, to hold my hand when all I have to do is look at you as if to say I need you.  Yes I love the way you take that cloak of invisibility right off of me and bear me naked to the world!

Yes my darling we are different we don’t need to have different chromosomes to be together we just need to be different.

I want you to know that I love the extra little bit of weight you carry, and that the undergarments you wear must be unbearably uncomfortable, and if not uncomfortable at least hot.

Here let me turn the air down.

I appreciate that you did this for me, it wasn’t necessary but it makes me feel cared for, and damn you’re sexy hot.  When we sit at the table to eat the lovely meal you just ordered for me, and I put my hand on your ‘leg’ I bristle with excitement and blush profusely.

I’m glad that makes you smile.  We are the happiest people in the place and they can’t understand it, I secretly think we both enjoy making them wonder how that could be, and jealous of our happiness.  I know I wear this smile as a badge of honor.

You are a complete package just the way you are, you really don’t have to dress like you do, I know those boots weigh a ton,   I do appreciate the Dolce Gabana for Men though it smells so so well just so damn sexy.  I feel so guilty because I love my shoes the 6 inch heels make my legs look better and they are surprisingly comfortable with the platform, I can’t wait till we take to the dance floor.

I love that you dance with me when I ask, and sometimes you even ask first.  I especially like the slow dance, especially when we are alone, and somehow you never step on my toes in those big ass boots.  I do wish you would quit staring me in the eye while we dance though you already know my eyes are green and only look at you.  I do wish you would look at my cleavage it doesn’t offend me, and I went out of my way to get a push up bra that would perk the girls up and out a bit just for you.

You applaud my coming out over and over because when you are not with me people look right past me, but what you don’t know is that I don’t mind it at all on most days because I know, that you know.  When you encounter prejudice, hatred, and potential violence you are the much braver, because in spite of all that you are always willing to care for me.

My dear Butch I fight outward forces only when they challenge my perception of what is good and right, and that would be you.  You prove that to me every day, and surprisingly I care very little any more what others think, even those that proclaim to be so into human rights and those within our own LGBT community that think we are venturing into a mock hetero lifestyle.  They couldn’t be further from the truth and I have no energy to prove them wrong by fighting with them.  I would rather spend that time and energy making US happy.

Thank you for being here for me to love with all my heart without you my life would be meaningless,  for you my Butch make my life complete.

Thank you for being my best friends husbands best friend.  Thank you for watching girly movies when I know you hate them.  Thank you for going hunting with the guys and not expecting me to go with you.  I really wanted that time to read “Best Lesbian Erotica volume 6” so I could surprise you when you got home with something new.  That is after you shower of course!

Oh how I love your tats, just one question; did you know what those Chinese letters meant when they put them down your leg?  I so appreciate that you love my tats because you know I had a life before we met.  I also know you are glad they aren’t so visible, but that you would love me anyway because you know that what you love is inside of me and not out.  I know that you love me after Thanksgiving and Christmas as much as you did before, even if all the cookies and fudge make it harder for you to zip my dress on Sunday morning.   I promise I’ll lose it by April, not just for you but for both of us.

I can be snarky and it isn’t always easy waiting on me to finish my hair and makeup before we go to the flipping Safeway, Thank you

I know that sometimes you feel bad because I want to caress you and you don’t know how to allow me to do that.  DON’T feel bad I understand and I am feeling your inside, your soul, your heart, and I am very happy with that, because I know that is more important.  I easily subject myself to your needs because they fulfill mine, and you are really, no I mean really, good at that.  Which by the way I don’t think you could be if you had been a testosterone based human.

The way you protect me is admirable and I am so proud of that, you walk on the street side to watch for cars, you hold my hand crossing the street; you pull me close as we navigate through the crowd at the concert, and I know you would take a blow for me anytime.

It seems only right that I would walk hand in hand with you to the restroom waiting on you so no one would freak out and panic and call security.  I would trip anyone going in so they would not see you coming out.

I would do all that and more, so much more because I know there is no limit to your appreciation for me and I for you.

Thank you for never trying to stop being you, because you see, my darling Butch

After all these years you still entice me.

Reclamation

Reclamation

I just spent an incredibly ‘worth it’ couple of hours on youtube.  Yes incredibly worth it and why that is you ask because it prompted me to use some deductive reasoning I had been neglecting for a while.  Exactly how long I won’t say but for a while.  I was watching Ivan Coyote and just falling in love with his dialogue, and delivery and accent that reminded me of my family in Canada.

More than that it reminded me of all the things I longed to do and hadn’t because when I was younger I was told I could not do them.  I was told I could not:

  1. Be an actress; even though I acted in every school play and directed and did makeup and danced and did choreography, and sat first chair in the choir with a range from 1st Soprano to Tenor, and was told at the time I looked just like Shirley Jones.
  2.  I couldn’t be a written word performer even though I went to State Finals with the Forensic Speech team.

This was all too out of the spectrum of what was expected of me, of what the girls should do.  No I couldn’t go to NY to study I could go to college right there in “River City” (that’s a reference to the Music Man an old musical for all you youngsters it starred Robert Preston and Shirley Jones).

That’s what HE said

  1. I couldn’t be a Priest …..OK OK stop laughing now those of you that know me or think you do….at 10 till about 15 all I wanted to do was be a Priest.  How I was going to do that and act I had no idea but by the time I was 18 it didn’t matter anyway performing was more important. The Episcopal church still didn’t have women in the priesthood then and everyone knew that. I had thoroughly looked into becoming a Nun in the church (there is a convent in upstate NY) well it was next to impossible for that to happen.

Besides; I had been told I couldn’t do that, it just wasn’t for me.

  1.  I couldn’t be a Poet an Artist or a Writer, there was just no security in that!   That’s what “they said”
  2. I couldn’t be a spiritualist I didn’t know of Angels why goodness if people knew that they would lock me away.  That is what He said
  3. And WOW

I just couldn’t be a Lesbian! I was too femme, the boys liked me, even though I liked ballgames and fixing cars,  I just wasn’t the Gym Teacher type and besides it would get me nowhere I would be destitute and on the street oh whoah is me.  What would the neighbors say?  What would your Father say?   Well I found out many years later and it wasn’t pretty.

So……I didn’t do all those things and more

SAD

Sad because I believed “THEM” well most of it anyway.  I didn’t question society, authority, family not when it came to those things, war, politics, rock and roll maybe; but not when it came to me, I was never going to amount to any of the things I wanted me to be.

The best thing that came out of that was my family I got wonderful children by not listening to my inner voice.  We love and accept each other unconditionally.

So………………….. How do I turn the Sad around

I already did it the instant I recognized “THEY” were wrong,  the moment I remembered I still loved doing things and that the only person telling me I couldn’t was me!  Well now I’m saying I CAN and I AM.

I can be an actress in Community Theater and Church and YouTube, I can perform I can be in the National Forensic League, I can be a written word performer.

I still can’t be a Priest, nor do I want to be or a Nun for that matter.  I can be an ordained Minister; I can continue my path to Unity ordination and achieving my Masters in Divinity.

I can believe in Angels and Divine Spirits, and Divine Guidance and know that they talk to me, to all of us in one way or another and………..Surprise I haven’t been locked away for it!

I can be a Writer and an Artist and a Poet and……..I don’t give damn if there is no security in it.

And most of all not only can I, but in spite of all the opposition from society, I proudly live my life openly as a Lesbian!  Perhaps part of the reason I can do all these things and more, is because I am a Lesbian.  I can, I will, I AM doing all those things because I believe I can.

You can too; believe it you can do absolutely anything you truly desire ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING.

I AM RECLAIMING THE “I CAN”     and you are invited to join me!

dating it’s weird

OK

so I’m new at this, and where it lands who knows but it will land.

Is it me or has dating changed totally since 199_, well since……

I mean when I was younger and that is not saying how young but younger, you met someone you liked you flirted you went out a couple of times and it was or wasn’t. If it wasn’t you met someone new in due time, usually pretty soon.  and if at first you didn’t succeed you tried someone else.  That doesn’t sound right but that is the way it was.

Eventually that person came into your life and you stayed with them until it worked or not.  In my case it worked for 16 years.  This is all unknown territory now.   Never and I mean Never have I been in a dating situation where you dated more than one person at a time.  Not even cordially; it just didn’t happen.  I never expected it out of someone else either.  So, someone was either incredibly good at not letting me know they were seeing someone else, or they weren’t,  Butch or not they weren’t!    I didn’t expect them to be either.

In this day and time am I right in assuming that you are expected to be seeing more than one person until it is spoken out loud that you shouldn’t?  I mean after a couple kisses you would think……..Well maybe not

So why do you feel like a cheat when you go out on a couple of dates and still have plans with someone you made previously?  OK and how do you get over the last one you went out with and fell head over heels with.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well so many questions someone have an answer?   at least one that is half way logical.

 

So I went out to the movies and…………..OK so it was nice enjoyable even, and I feel guilty because?         Nope wrong!  I actually have come into the 2100 century.