I just spent an incredibly ‘worth it’ couple of hours on youtube. Yes incredibly worth it and why that is you ask because it prompted me to use some deductive reasoning I had been neglecting for a while. Exactly how long I won’t say but for a while. I was watching Ivan Coyote and just falling in love with his dialogue, and delivery and accent that reminded me of my family in Canada.
More than that it reminded me of all the things I longed to do and hadn’t because when I was younger I was told I could not do them. I was told I could not:
- Be an actress; even though I acted in every school play and directed and did makeup and danced and did choreography, and sat first chair in the choir with a range from 1st Soprano to Tenor, and was told at the time I looked just like Shirley Jones.
- I couldn’t be a written word performer even though I went to State Finals with the Forensic Speech team.
This was all too out of the spectrum of what was expected of me, of what the girls should do. No I couldn’t go to NY to study I could go to college right there in “River City” (that’s a reference to the Music Man an old musical for all you youngsters it starred Robert Preston and Shirley Jones).
That’s what HE said
- I couldn’t be a Priest …..OK OK stop laughing now those of you that know me or think you do….at 10 till about 15 all I wanted to do was be a Priest. How I was going to do that and act I had no idea but by the time I was 18 it didn’t matter anyway performing was more important. The Episcopal church still didn’t have women in the priesthood then and everyone knew that. I had thoroughly looked into becoming a Nun in the church (there is a convent in upstate NY) well it was next to impossible for that to happen.
Besides; I had been told I couldn’t do that, it just wasn’t for me.
- I couldn’t be a Poet an Artist or a Writer, there was just no security in that! That’s what “they said”
- I couldn’t be a spiritualist I didn’t know of Angels why goodness if people knew that they would lock me away. That is what He said
- And WOW
I just couldn’t be a Lesbian! I was too femme, the boys liked me, even though I liked ballgames and fixing cars, I just wasn’t the Gym Teacher type and besides it would get me nowhere I would be destitute and on the street oh whoah is me. What would the neighbors say? What would your Father say? Well I found out many years later and it wasn’t pretty.
So……I didn’t do all those things and more
Sad because I believed “THEM” well most of it anyway. I didn’t question society, authority, family not when it came to those things, war, politics, rock and roll maybe; but not when it came to me, I was never going to amount to any of the things I wanted me to be.
The best thing that came out of that was my family I got wonderful children by not listening to my inner voice. We love and accept each other unconditionally.
So………………….. How do I turn the Sad around
I already did it the instant I recognized “THEY” were wrong, the moment I remembered I still loved doing things and that the only person telling me I couldn’t was me! Well now I’m saying I CAN and I AM.
I can be an actress in Community Theater and Church and YouTube, I can perform I can be in the National Forensic League, I can be a written word performer.
I still can’t be a Priest, nor do I want to be or a Nun for that matter. I can be an ordained Minister; I can continue my path to Unity ordination and achieving my Masters in Divinity.
I can believe in Angels and Divine Spirits, and Divine Guidance and know that they talk to me, to all of us in one way or another and………..Surprise I haven’t been locked away for it!
I can be a Writer and an Artist and a Poet and……..I don’t give damn if there is no security in it.
And most of all not only can I, but in spite of all the opposition from society, I proudly live my life openly as a Lesbian! Perhaps part of the reason I can do all these things and more, is because I am a Lesbian. I can, I will, I AM doing all those things because I believe I can.
You can too; believe it you can do absolutely anything you truly desire ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING.
I AM RECLAIMING THE “I CAN” and you are invited to join me!